danzig is ghey

wow man, its been a quite a long time.

ummm... i forgot how to work this, and just out of curiosity stumbled in here to see if this still existed (which it did) and if i could remeber my password (which i did miraculously) yea man.
time to fill whoever reads this is in whats become of the ol' juan.
im still alive, now am partially a vegetarian (still eat fish and chicken ocasionally, no meat!!) i've lost contact with anyone and everyone (personal choice) at the end of july went to hippie camp in nyc and had a great time and met someone, (yeah now it gets gay) her name is oshin (weird name i know and she's not japanese either. shes a darkie.) and we had quite a connection at camp and still, i havent seen her since unfortunally but we talk on the phone everyday and i am in the process of planning a possible trip to nyc once again to see her and possibly live there a while since i'm acomplishing nothing here. im at this point lost and dont feel like being found, im moping around and not really doing anything useful. kinda ashamed of myself in many ways, regret plenty, and i dunno... wish something would happen. but whats the use in wishing? reading past entries made me happy? but made me wish like hell i'd done things differently. not shut certain important individuals out the way i did mostly, and its ironic because i do that now. i dont know man, im kinda miserable, kinda not, hopeful yet pesssimistic. its like if i were a color, i'd for sure be grey.
i feel like a fugitive sometimes, but its okay. its kinda cool if anything. dont really miss anyone, feel out of place here, like i should be else where on a motorcycle looking for something in this vast world were all so scared of. like easy rider if anyones seen it. regardless best wishes to anyone who reads this, and chances are i might post again.
chao.
  • Current Music
    the humming of the computer
danzig is ghey

the one thing..

i wont lie you or get mad at you....
you wont tell me its working and be off god knows where
you will make me forget i exist
with you my burden will aways be light as a feather
you wont hold anything against me
you wont ever make me smile but i will always be over whelmed with joy only with you
you will hold me in your invisible arms and kiss me like only you can
you will paint me a picture and i shall call it a disaster
with you i always cry like a baby
but you will always make me feel like a man
nothing i do with you will ever be in vain
nothing is ever possible to me
and nothing is ever impossible to you
most importantly you wont ever let me go from your warm embrace
youll bring tears to my eyes, slap me in the face and tell me im pathetic but not once will you ever let me down
now i just have to reach out to you and there you are
in all your glory
just your scent will make me weak...
ill set you right you right on the tables even when they have turned against me
through thick and through thin. through dark nights and loneliness
through sadness, strife and those lonely awkward phone calls
gun

thing

(x) - you've done
(_) - you haven't done

(x) been drunk
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car...(does parent's count?)
( ) been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
(x) been in love
( ) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
(x) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
(x) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
( ) ever dated someone of the same sex
(X) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
( ) stole something from my job
( ) celebrated new years in time square
( ) gone on a blind date (ish)
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to Europe
(x) skipped school .. not without parents knowing.
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) cut myself on purpose
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children [luckily]
( ) seen someone die.
(o) been to Africa [that japan and spain id love]
(x) had a crush on one of my livejournal friends
(x) Punched a friend
( ) Driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/fetish ball
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show[on vh1 where everyone else did]
(x) Thrown up in a bar
(x) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
( ) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
(x) Been moshing at a concert
(x) had real feelings for someone you knew only online
(x) taken partially nude/nude photos of yourself
(x) been in an abusive relationship
( ) been pregnant or got someone pregnant[hahahahahahahaha]
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to college
( ) graduated college
(x) had sexual intercourse of any kind
(x) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone rite now [yeah dude]

UNIQUE --

1. Nervous Habits? drinking to ease the nerves
2. Are you double jointed? on my thumb. i think
3. Can you roll your tongue? no..i cant.
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? yes.
5. Can you blow spit bubbles? i cant but its just a silly talent
6. Can you cross your eyes? *giggle* yeah
7. Tattoos? id like to get
8. Piercings and where? none what so ever, im no crazy ass lauren long
9. Do you make your bed daily? i try, a clean room is a happy room

-- CLOTHES --

10. Which shoe goes on first? i dont know my right from left
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? who hasnt dumbass?
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your purse/wallet? on average my wallets lost
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7? the lil white ring
14. Favorite piece of clothing? my DC shirt, levis, and my 3 different colored fitted collard shirts

-- FOOD --

15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl..cutting it is dorky
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? yeah, its not that bad
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? mint chocolate chip or anything sorbet
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? cookie crisp is empty so none
19. What's your favorite beverage? cuba libre
20. What's your favorite restaurant? chilis, wendys,
21. Do you cook? all the time? no but when i do ill fuck up ramen noodles like no one else can

-- GROOMING --

22. How often do you brush your teeth? as often as i can
23. Hair drying method? none
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? yes, wasnt as cool as i thought it was

-- MANNERS --

25. Do you swear? fuck yeah but i try not to in front of children or elders
26. Do you ever spit? constantly, its a habit

-- WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE --

27. Animal? i love all animals!..cockaroaches are a bit gross but i love them none the less
28. Food? anything chinese, gyros, chili, laurens cooking
29. Month? july
30. Day? friday
31. Cartoon? i fuckin, fuckin hate the Simpsons, but i do enjoy aqua teen hunger force
32. Shoe Brand? deff. not converse, vans if it wasnt so damn poser
33. Subject in school? drama
34. Color? black, charcoal grey, pink, dark red
35. Sport? soccer, tempting death
36. TV show? conan o' brien
37. Thing to do in the spring? what kind of question is that?
38. Thing to do in the summer? go exploring, be bored
39. Thing to do in the fall?

-- IN AND AROUND --

41. The CD player? the streets
42. Person you talk most on the phone with? lauren long
43. Ever taken a cab? yeah, expensive
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors? who doesnt? and i have nothing to fix to begin with.
45. What color is your bedroom? white but theres stains on the wall
46. Do you use an alarm clock? id like to but its soo much better to have your mommy wake you up
47. Window seat or aisle? window if i need to piss ill go over whomever i have to

-- LA LA LAND --

48. What's your sleeping position? fetal or cuddling with person closest to me regardless of who they are, but its better if its easly eplained as opposed to awkard.
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket? i try not to.
50. Do you snore? yes or so ive been told.
51. Do you sleepwalk? no thats just silly, and a lil too scooby doo.
52. Do you talk in your sleep? fuck yeah, i have deep conversations with myself .
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes, my teddy bear from when i was born.
54. How about with the light on? i cant stand light when i sleep
55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on? my cd player
56. last interesting person you met? ive never really met anyone "interesting" and if they were in the least bit they were usually retarded.
  • Current Music
    the streets - weak become heroes
danzig is ghey

why 7? because theres 7 days in a week..

..things i hate..
1- my ability to procreate, weiner
2- being wrong
3- waiting
4- booze
5- getting fucked over
6- lauren ashley long
7- fear of the unknown

..things i love..
1- my sister
2- my dick
3- lauren ashley long
4- booze
5- my mommy
6- chinese food
7- feeling married [as gay as it might sound]

..songs i really like..
1- mars volta - take the veil cerpin taxt
2- steelers wheel - stuck in the middle with you
3- beastie boys - hey fuck you
4- morrissey - irish blood english heart
5- mars volta - interiatic [esp]
6- hot hot heat - talk to me dance with me
7- brighteyes -haleigh, haleigh ,a lie ,haleigh [seriously]

..things i wanna do before i die..
1- wrestle an alligator
2- see the third "lord of the rings" and "kill bill vol. 2"
3- see what my kid would look like
4- get shot
5- get rich or die trying
6- direct, write, produce, and act in a movie
7- write a tony award winning broadway play

..sayings i like a lot..
1- "calm like a bomb"
2- "i would rather die on my feet than to live on my knees"
3- "and if you dont like it then hey fuck you"
4- "get rich or die trying"
5- "and you understood and youd always take care of me, you said youd always be there but where are you now?"
6- "que viva la revolucion!!"
7- "the nights not over youre not trying hard enough, our lives are changing lanes you ran me off the road, the wait is over im now takin over ,youre no longer laughing im not drowning fast enough"

..books i have read [and enjoyed]..
1- stupid white men -micheal moore
2- pigs at the trough -arianna huffington
3- the gay science - frederick nietchzke
4- learning how to learn - the sufi
5- the godfather - mario puzo
6- salems lot - stephen king
7- of mice and men - umm i forget

..random thoughts..
1- if you had one arm holding a drink and some sort of food item at once would be a hassle..
2- i dont know whats scarier..an alien or a zombie hoard?
3- stealing is wrong..only if you dont make up for it somehow
4- this morning..holy shit.
5- nobody wants to be labled, but no one wants to be an outcast
6- i wonder whom a certain so and so is?
7- should i be jealous?

..more random thoughts..
1- am i catching a cold?
2- man my throat is killing me!!!! it hurts =[
3- fucking hostile - pantera
4- do i sound smart? i hope no one finds out im just an idiot
5- "kill whity" is not a valid theory
6- "adam and eve" is not a counterpoint to gay marriges
7- "i hate you...yet i fucking love you soo fucking much"

please do the same thing i wanna find out what you think..everyone of you
danzig is ghey

im not that great a person

so it starts when i go to laurens to spend the night with her friday night.. =D

saturday morning i got caught in lie cuz i told id slept at svenns but in the morning she ran into him and asked him where i was and i didnt tell him ahead of time to lie so that was my fault but w*e
i tried to come up with some elaborate lie to get myself off the hook but as it turns out my wonderful fuck-face-dad claimed called the cops and claimed i was "running away" therefore i was wanted by the police..
this i dont believe happened but the fact that he thinks like that really pissed me off considering he and i are in bitter hatred toward one another...hes kicked me out plenty of times before claims i am not his son, and to put it lightly makes my life hell... its come to the point where his presence disgusts me...and this has gone on for too long
and i feel horrible for feeling like this...it makes me feel weak
why do i hate my empty shell of man father?
why do i have no respect for him? am i supposed to feel bad for him?
am i that horrible a son as he makes me to be?
regardless i called him up and let him know how i felt and how im sick of all the shit he gives me and how im gonna spend some time with my loving grandma cuz...
1. seriously im gonna kick his fucking head in if he touches me...
2. its driving both my mom and my sister insane and i feel like this whole situation really is my fault
3. i just need to get away from everything
so for the rest of the day it goes away...
i sleep at laurens again and in the morning i decide what must be done and follow through..
i have like $1.00 at my disposal thats it..
in the morning around like 11 a.m i take the 30 to the western terminal there i decide to take the 2 to my grandmothers house...
my original plan was to get to her houseand then go with her to my house to get my clothes and stuff and take literaly what would be a vacation from the shit of a life im living at home
i get to the stop [university and oakland] at like maybe 11.40 i go to my grandmas but shes not there so i walk to this huge shopping plaza that has a walmart, a smoke shop etc..
and i mustve used like 20 diff cell phones trying to reach either jonny boy [he couldve picked me up and things wouldve improved a lot]
or my cousin junior who couldve given me paolas cell # who couldve picked me up and helped me out with my situation as well or at least to get my grandmas cell and call her to find out what time shed get home... but neither would answer their fuckin phones...
so i was stuck up shit creek cuz id have to beg for the use of someones cell and you cant call cell phones collect so my options were pretty much fucked...
then after walking around like a lost idiot i finally found the damn smoke shop and decided to check it out...
the lady [indian but americanized] was gonna i.d me but didnt and boy am i glad..regardless we hit it off, i started talkin about random thngs in the store "i.e" posters , how smoke shops are becoming illegal, a masturbating wind up toy, alfred hitchcock movies, elvis, her lil boys attraction to my sisters watch etc.. finally i asked if i could use the phone and called my mom and asked her what my grandmas # was and somehow ended up going home...
on the ride on the bus home i ran into "jill" dave b's g*f shes nice but apparently takes too much shit from dave
of course i get hell when i got home but i tried to rationalize wit my fathers love towards me...
then he just turned in to this lil kid refusing to listen and there i realized "wow, this piece of shit..no wonder no one likes him"
which is true
regardless im home now safe and sound and were going out to dinner..
tommorow i get my shit together and go on a much deserved vacation..

lauren...
i love her..goddammit i love her
shes my baby..
danzig is ghey

life

"her name is lauren
and as you can see,
she's nothing to the world,
but everything to me."

damn i couldnt call her and now its too late

and i wanna contact her but i cant!!!
god i love this girl

and her name is...
danzig is ghey

god i love this girl

in the word girlFRIEND
FRIEND is emphazised
and in my case
is it ever...
who else would i rather go out with?
no one thats who assholes!!

so fuck of all you non-laurens
im TAKEN
[except billy]

yeah dude!

lauren + juan = :D
danzig is ghey

every time i hear this song a tear is...

"house of the rising sun- the animals"

There is a house in New Orleans.
They call the Rising Sun.
And it's been the ruin of many young poor boys
And God I know I'm one.

My mother was a tailor
She sewed my new bluejeans
My father was a gamblin man
Down in New Orleans.

Now the only thing a gambler needs
Is a suitcase and a trunk
And the only time that he's satisfied
Is when he's all drunk.

Oh mother tell your children
Not to do what I have done
To spend ther life in sin and misery
In the house of the Rising Sun.

With one foot on the platform
And the other foot on the train
I'm going back to New Orleans
To wear that ball and chain

There is a house in New Orleans
They call the Rising Sun
And it's been the ruin of many young poor boys
And god I know I'm one.


well today was a lot of fun wasnt it lauren?
grease...
opening up...
the heavy alcohol use...
the deep gazing...
the...
i love you...
danzig is ghey

(no subject)

Eysenck's Test Results
Extraversion (87%) very high which suggests you are extremely talkative, optimistic, and sociable but probably not very reflective.
Neuroticism (68%) moderately high which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and nervous.
Psychoticism (58%) moderately high which suggests you tend to be offensive, uncooperative, and rebellious.
Take Eysenck's EPQ-R based Personality Test
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